Lost in Time May 9, 2013

Sometimes I find myself wishing I could travel in Time. The great captor that carries us through the world never releasing us. When I worked I had a reason, to know what day had arrived. Now, in retirement, I just float. The thing I cannot do is wriggle free of the firm grip it has on me. I may not want to get gray hairs, but Time sees that I do. I do not want to become inflexible and stiff, but Time must enjoy watching the aches and pains. I do not like to look into the mirror and stare at the person that I have become. I do not know this person that has fading eyes, wrinkled skin, and layers of unwanted fat, but Time forces me to look and accept that I can not go back. No matter how much I want to run with the wind, sing with the meadowlarks, play games with wild rabbits, I am forced to accept that I will never do the things that thrilled my spirit . At what point did Time get the hold on me? From the very beginning, It pulled me along through joys and heartaches, through successes and failures. Loosely, the reigns gave me enough room to decide: to choose- good or bad, sweet or sour, love or hate, flowing forever toward the end. Perhaps, I did not listen to the warnings, I don't remember grasping the concept that these choices are eternal. I must live with all the choices. Never being able to reverse them. Each word is written in indelible ink. Oh, we are told that forgiveness erases them. It doesn't. They are forever there in our minds. Forgiveness lets us forgive ourselves and maybe gives some peace to the injured party, but it never erases it. That's why I would like to travel in Time. I would go back and choose differently, or at least say I'm sorry for back choices. I can not tell someone who's gone that I'm sorry--that I was wrong--it was a lie that caused the pain--a lie that I never knew was told until it was too late. The one thing that Time does is remove you from your pain- whereever it comes from. It will set you free of your burden.